The world would be a better place if we eliminated “should” from our vocabulary. I should do this, you should do that, I should be better, you should be better… the list goes on.
Should creates an obligation that is frequently unjustified. More often than not it comes from others or what we think others require of ourselves. We hear it said by others and we hear it said by ourselves.
Should is a form of Dangerous Language that demands action at the same time it permits inaction.
The alternatives to should are, “I will”, and “I will not”. Cut through the should of inaction and either do it or not. I will turn should into I will not to remove the burden of should and focus on my own Concernful activity. I will not hide behind it when speaking with others. When there is something I think they should do, I’ll step back from the place of privilege and righteousness it comes from. I don’t know what they should do anymore than they know what I should do.
My Cultural narrative is a source of many shoulds. Failing to meet them can result in Shame.
Should refers to expected, yet uncertain and not guaranteed outcomes. This is a safe meaning as long as that is the meaning taken. “It SHOULD work” causes harm when we treat it as a guarantee, failing to reach Acceptance it doesn’t.