A friend told me how he highlighted our propensity to jump to conclusions and make instant Assumptions about what is being said.
After having been asked to provide a critique of some writing my friend found he was facing a defence for everything. Not the open mind to be expected when feedback was asked for.
“Hang on”, said my friend. “You’re not listening to what I’m saying. The feedback is valid but isn’t being considered [by you]. Most times you defend before I have a chance to explain.” A pause before, “Let me try this.”
A single word, “Sausage”.
Immediate the rebuttal. “I know what you’re trying to do! You’re playing word games with me.”
“No”, was the quiet and knowing reply from my friend; his point illustrated. “I simply spoke the word I could think of that was furthest from our conversation. You instantly assumed I was playing word games. That’s the behaviour you’ve been showing all morning.” Each time he offered a view on the material he was ‘corrected’ before the explanation was complete.
I’m told the conversation was a lot smoother and productive after that.
Recognising and suspending our assumptions is a key behaviour of dialogue. I believe this story highlights how easy it is to be controlled by them without realising it. This story also provides one way to highlight that to another. By using “sausage” my friend created a break in the flow to allow the behaviour to be seen. I suggest direct explanation of the point wouldn’t have been listened to.