On Monday night my wife and I were attending parent-teacher interviews. We had two appointments booked and we were both on time for the 5.00 pm appointment which left us plenty of time for the second at 5.20 pm. It transpired that we missed the 5.20 pm appointment. Who was to blame?
- Was it the family who was late for their 4.45 pm appointment?
- Was it the teacher who let an early arrival meet before us when the first family was late?
- Was it the teacher who then let the late family start at out allotted time after the early arrival had met?
I ask the question again. Who was to blame for my wife and I missing our 5.20 pm appointment?
We were.
In the moment we used the others as reasons to miss it. We took an appointment with the first teacher 20 minutes late when we should have been done with that and in the second class. Instead of recognising a commitment for 5.00 pm had not been met and dealing with that fact, we exacerbated the problem by missing the next. As one promise was broken for us, we in turn broke another.
Everybody understands but is it really acceptable? Multiple people stressing and angering because nobody in the chain could keep a commitment and acted selfishly (under the guise of being fair). The conversations could have been as follows (and I’m going to paraphrase rather than spell out in full):
- Between the first teacher and the family that was late. “Sorry. You’ve missed your appointment. We’ll have to reschedule or you’re welcome to wait in case a time opens up”. In this case we would have had both appointments on time.
- Between us and the teacher. “Sorry. You allowed another family to jump ahead of us. We’re off to keep our committed 5.20 pm appointment and will have to reschedule with you.”
- Between us and the second teacher. “The times with the first teacher have been stuffed around. Would it be possible for us to be 10 minutes late?” If so, we’re all ok and commitments are managed. If not, we attend at the previously agreed time.
- Then when we were late, between us and the second teacher. “Sorry. You’ve missed your appointment…”
Remember I did say that my wife and I were responsible for missing our second appointment. We chose not to attend it on time.
Often we can forget the impact of seemingly simple decisions. For whatever reason the first family were late, they impacted the lives of at least 10 other people as the situation cascaded. If they had rescheduled or the teacher had required it far few people would have been impacted. If we had left the first appointment and gone to the second on time it would have impacted us more so but saved the distress of others.
This is a common situation and cause of Breakdowns for ourselves and others. One client arrives late so you go over time and are yourself late for your next client meeting (leaving everybody waiting unproductively) and so on throughout the day until you finally arrive home after the children have gone to bed.
Make your commitments carefully and stick to them. Holding yourself and others accountable builds trust around reliability.