Many years ago now, my wife and I began having regular fortnightly dinners with her sister and husband. At first things were awkward as our lives weren’t connected enough to have anything to talk about. After a few evenings things had changed dramatically and we had more than enough to keep our minds and our mouths occupied.
What changed?
I think it was this. We began to build connections, which in turn built more connections and so on until we had a web of conversation and past experiences to connect to. Once the connections were there we could make more meaning from them.
It is a post by Tim Elmore that triggered me thinking about this once again. Connections are the prime reason I recommend Facebook or Twitter to someone. Like Tim who writes,
I can’t believe it. I just did something that two years ago I said I would never do. I twittered…. It leads me to this thought. I told myself I would never twitter because I don’t really care to know the ins and outs of anyone’s life enough to hear from them daily—sometimes multiple times a day—that they are jogging in Florida or that they love pepperoni pizza a lot. Don’t get me wrong. I love many people, but my love doesn’t drive me to want to know these details about their day. To add to that, I cannot imagine anyone wanting to know what I am doing, each day.
I thought the same things.
We have to hear the minute detail about people’s lives in order to build the social trust to hear the bigger things. My first Facebook experience came from hearing my sister talk about my cousins at a level of familiarity I was unfamiliar with. They were all on Facebook and I was missing out. Sure, there is plenty of noise, but that’s a necessary evil. I have learned to listen beyond that.
How do you keep in touch with your second and third circle of friends and relatives. Those which you only see at reunions but which lead rich lives and share interests you may never have the time to hear about at your yearly catch up.
How much richer is life when you are aware of what interests those you know? How can you now help them with what you know? How much more connected do you feel?
So, if you’re not yet on Facebook or Twitter have a look. Stick with it for a while and you may be surprised. And Tim. I had cheese on toast for lunch.