Initiating a conversation with other people can be difficult as most of us are so worried about what the other person will think of us that we decide it’s better to say nothing than to expose our flaws. This topic is just one covered in The Fine Art of Small Talkby Debra Fine. For me this book differs from the many other ‘How to speak to people’ books out there because it entwines real stories with some ideas that go beyond have courage, smile and be pleasant.
Take for example Debra’s ideas on how to approach acquaintances about their work or family life. Instead of asking “How’s work?” and walking into a minefield because they were made redundant last week and didn’t know it, ask “How has your year been?” or “What’s been going on with work since I last saw you?”. This provides both parties a graceful way to explore or avoid the situation. Similarly don’t use “How’s your wife/husband/partner” but instead use “Bring me up to date on your family”.
One of my personal pet-hate questions, though not listed in the book, is “Are you having children?”. This question causes extreme pain to all those couples who are striving to have children but can’t for whatever reason. I know; I’ve been there. It presumes so much.
Another suggestion I’ve picked up on the way is to ask people, “So, do you work locally?” instead of “Where do you work?”. Similar to the suggestions above it allows the other party to gracefully handle the loss of a job, working from home, etc.
Yet I digress. The Fine Art of Small Talk is an easy read on what should be an easy subject. It carries with it useful information and a shot of confidence.