Posts Tagged mood
The Charter for Compassion signed. Now what?
Posted by David C. Buchan in Inspiration and motivation, Self improvement on November 23rd, 2009
Reading time: 3 – 4 minutes
Following in the footsteps of Michael Bungay Stanier I have signed and affirmed the Charter for Compassion, a global effort to raise the awareness of compassion in the world.
This simple act had me thinking about compassion over the weekend and how it comes about. There are people in the world who are naturally compassionate. And, there are people who are not. What might be the difference between them and how, if you’re in the latter group, can you change things?
Much as there is a mood of gratefulness, there is a mood associated with compassion as well. Moods are integral to our way of being. They are predispositions to action. In simpler terms, the mood we are in dictates what we see as possible in the world. If I’m in a compassionate mood then showing compassion to my fellow citizens will be much easier than if I am in a non-compassionate mood such as resentment, resignation or anxiety. How can I consider helping someone if I’m angry, feel there is no possibility in the world or am scared of what may happen?
The Arbinger Institute would say we are non-compassionate when we are “out of the box” or have a “heart at war” with respect to another. Practising the teachings in their excellent books Leadership and Self-Deception and The Anatomy of Peace will take you a long way towards harbouring a compassionate way of being.
I sadly can’t speak from direct experience of cultivating a compassionate mood. Having signed the Charter for Compassion I’m now bound to try. What I can speak from is the experience of generating other useful and resourceful moods.
Shifting a mood requires consideration of the language you use and the way you hold your body. I’d suggest that to become more compassionate I’ll need to be reading appropriately such autobiographies as I can find about people who have led compassionate lives. And I’ll need to keep observing my internal thoughts, particularly as they apply to those I don’t get along with so well. Skip Ross suggests that you think only good thoughts about people you don’t like for 90 days and see what happens. If you think a negative thought any time before that, start again (and he notes saving the bad thoughts up to let rip on day 91 doesn’t count). This post is also part of shifting my language. I’m “in the conversation”.
Likewise I’ll need to be observing my body and how it reacts. I’m not sure exactly what a compassionate posture is other than to think it is relaxed and non-aggressive. Standing back rather than forwards.
Most importantly, in my efforts to become more compassionate, I must show compassion to myself. There will be times when I’m nowhere close. If I show myself compassion I can learn. Otherwise I’ll keep myself down.
If you’re still reading then why not sign the Charter for Compassion yourself.
Practice gratefulness daily
Posted by David C. Buchan in Inspiration and motivation, Self improvement on November 9th, 2009
Reading time: 2 – 3 minutes
In July 2008 I began the daily habit of selecting something I was grateful for and noting it in my diary. Gratefulness is one of the most powerful emotions we can have and for me the daily habit of reflecting was a moment of quiet and stillness as the world rushed around me. My experience of being grateful is whole of body; like a large sigh without the angst, or the feeling of a warm bucket of water tipped down my back.
The notes of my Ontological Coaching course suggest the following way of thinking about the mood of being grateful.
- I assess that I have been and am the beneficiary of many possibilities in life
- I assess myself to be very fortunate to have experienced these possibilities and benefits
- I declare that I am grateful to the world in general, and also specific individuals for this enrichment
- I also declare that it is a privilege to be alive
Today I will reignite my habit and bring it to the new world. A tweet a day with the hashtag #gr8fl. There is nothing too great or small to be grateful for as I have previously acknowledged: Update 7 January 2009 I’ve not been able to develop this habit the way I would have liked to. The gratitude is there. The habit of posting on Twitter isn’t.
- Warm socks to put on my feet (mid-Winter item)
- The opportunity we had to swim together as a family
- The patience of my wife
- Microwave popcorn
- Learning that gratitude is a feeling and not just words.
If you would like to follow along please do so on my Twitter feed. I’ll subscribe to #gr8fl and if you post with the same tag I’ll see it.
One way to answer the tough questions of life
Posted by David C. Buchan in Inspiration and motivation, Self improvement on October 2nd, 2009
Reading time: 2 – 3 minutes
Jack Vinson asks,
The biggest question I have upon reading this book is, how I can apply these idea in my life — particularly in the life of my children. I believe that they will “do well” in school, given both of our academic interests. But how do we translate that innate talent into something that gives them what they need to succeed? Gladwell doesn’t offer an answer to that question. (Laying outside the norm)
I wonder if trying to answer this question ‘as is’ is an exercise in futility. It is a powerful and potentially life changing question and so a way forward must be found for as it stands, this question is unanswerable without knowing the answers to some other questions first.
Questions can be dangerous beasties. The answer to “Life, The Universe and Everything” is well known to be 42. The problem is we don’t really understand the question. Let me suggest the difficulty in nswering such a question always comes from our belief system — the way we believe the world is. I can demonstrate this best by asking Jack some follow up questions designed to help him understand where this question comes from and why it is important to him that he answer it.
- How do you think your life would change if these ideas were applied to your own life?
- Why do you believe your childrens’ innate talent is not enough for them to succeed?
- What are you defining as success for your children?
- What mood are you carrying towards the success of your children? (One interpretation could be that Jack is resigned to no possibility of his children being successful and that is why he needs to do something to help them become successful in life. Or, he may be in a mood of wonder and is asking in anticipation of knowing how it will all work out for them. Blogs don’t hold the necessary indicators to give a clue to his mood which, I stress, only he can personally confirm.)
Several questions which if asked would lead to many more. They are designed to help Jack achive lthe clarity he needs to answer his initial question.
If you can’t find an answer you may be served by trying to find out why you are asking.
How keeping a journal can help with understanding yourself
Posted by David C. Buchan in Getting Things Done, Writing on May 15th, 2009
Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes
A few days ago I wrote on the last page in my moleskine journal. It took me 10½ months to write on each of the 240 pages. The journal is a record of my internal thinking over that period and I’d like to share with you some of what I learnt about the writing process along the way.
- The more frequently you write, the better the conversations you have with yourself. In past years I’ve been called to write in a journal infrequently; usually only when I had a particularly nasty problem on my mind. Recently I’ve found myself needing to visit my journal every two or three days because I now benefit from a regular outpouring of ideas and my associated comfort level has shifted. I typically write at the start of the day. In the evening before bed I’m too tired to delve into it yet some nights I find myself writing in the wee small hours of the morning to get an idea out of my head so that I can sleep.
- Write what you think and feel as well as what you do. I do note important events in my journal as I consider it a historical record yet most of the benefit comes from writing what I feel and believe rather than transcribing my day’s actions (of course thinking and feeling are actions in themselves).
- Questions are a good source of things to write about. My output really kicked off when I was given a list of 50 self-inquiry questions to consider. I committed to answer all 50 in 50 days which in itself was a lot of fun to do and a fantastic goal to achieve. Many books on self-improvement contain questions to ask of yourself and these can be a great source of inquiry. I frequently found I was surprised by my answers.
- A journal is aplace you can be honest. When open to the process I would write a description of what was on the surface and listen for the deeper thought behind it. More often than not I would be in wonder at identifying what I was really thinking. These thoughts were the doorways to different ideas and actions.
- Get a good pen and paper. Moleskine notebooks are nice to write in. I use a 240 page, unlined version to let me draw pictures if I need to. I also prefer to write with a fountain pen. Why? Simply because I enjoy the feel of the ink across the paper and I’m doing something special for myself so why not have special tools as well.
This morning I started a new journal with a mood of wonder at where it will take me in the coming months.
Update: Arbhay Parvate tweeted me after he recognised journalling was a way of clearing out open loops at higher levels of GTD focus. I hadn’t realised this myself and it certainly provides an explanation for why it has become such an enjoyable and useful experience.
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Charter for Compassion