I was shepherding the conversation with phrases such as, “Ask about X”, “Tell them about Y” and so on. It was a little frustrating at the time that my girls weren’t saying much. At first I thought they were shy but now I’m not so sure. Rather, it was such a new situation for them they had to be taught how to converse. My prompts were as much about teaching them what could be said as they were to get them to speak on the day.

As a parent we have responsibilities in all areas of life. I’ve been aware of the need to introduce my girls to new social situations but it has ended there. I’ve never known the responsibility I then had to help them through it or noted when I’ve done so until Saturday. I hope to be more effective next time around and believe the lesson learnt here is broadly applicable in life. The fine distinction between telling and educating.

For managers and supervisors

Pre-interview questionnaires? Bin them.

Competency models? Bin them too.

Forms to fill out during the interview? You guessed it. Right to the bin.

Complicated meeting arrangements? Just pick a time.

Now you have the space for the following questions.

1. Where is the business/department/team now? As a manager or team leader this is where you describe where you think the company is going. It sets the context for the remaining questions.
2. What are your priorities? Your employee now knows where you’re going and you can openly discuss where they want to go within that plan. Heaven forbid you might find there is a mis-match of priorities here but in all my experience I’ve always been able to find something that aligns the two.
3. What do you think you’ve done well? Allow the employee to discuss what they’ve done well since the last review (which, by the way was no more than three months ago was it?). You will be able to confirm and add more observations.
4. What would you like to improve upon? Gather ideas for further education and find out, then agree, on how you can support your charge.
5. How can I be a better manager for you? Now listen. DO NOT ARGUE. Any remaining dissatisfaction will surface. Come to agreement on how you can be a better manager. It may require the employee changing their behaviour as well.

For employees

If you are an employee, the process is even easier.

1. What am I doing that you want me to keep doing?
2. What am I doing that you want me to stop doing?
3. What am I not doing that you need me to do?

Timing?

Whenever needed. Nothing in a performance review should ever be a surprise to the employee. At Arthur Andersen I was guaranteed an appraisal of some sort every three months or sooner if I had completed a project within that time frame. I find three months is a good timeframe. It gives time for behaviours to change but not so much that you need days to cover it all and so end up covering nothing.

In the midst of a very busy work and travel schedule, I am pleased to report that Alan Sieler continues to find time to write! Alan is making steady progress on Volume III of Coaching to the Human Soul, which is on track for publication in two years time. Alan was recently recognised by the prestigious academic publishers Sage as the world’s leading authority on Ontological Coaching and has been commissioned to contribute a chapter on Ontological Coaching for The Complete Handbook of Coaching. Keep an eye out for this publication in 2010.

To learn more about the valuable approach that is Ontological Coaching, I suggest you read Alan’s paper Ontology: A Theoretical Basis for Professional Coaching or visit the  Newfield Institute website.

Roy has just launced the World Class Moderator site to showcase his speaking work. Take a moment to have a look. You never know what may come from it.

The Anatomy of Peace

Arbinger Institute (Creator). Berrett-Koehler Publishers 2008, Paperback, 231 pages, $10.32

The Anatomy of Peace is the Arbinger Institute’s followup to the groundbreaking book Leadership and Self Deception which I reviewed earlier. It is written in a similar narrative style and follows Lou Herbert from the first book, and a number of other parents across two days of learning about themselves and their relationships with their children. Left craving for deeper understanding and practical methods I found The Anatomy of Peace one of those rare things in today’s world — a sequel that delivers.

The book does stand on its own and yet is much stronger when approached with the ideas from Leadership and Self Deception. I thoroughly recommend them both to all.

Leadership and Self Deception

The Arbinger Institute. Berrett-Koehler Publishers 2002, Paperback, 192 pages, $4.98

I have already listened to the audiobook of Leadership and Self Deception twice so far this year. I found the content of this book extremely humbling each time and whereas the first exposure to the material was a challenge, the second time it was challenging of me.

Unable to source a paperback copy quickly I purchased the audio version from iTunes. The ideas of self-deception, self-betrayal and how they affect our daily lives unfold as a conversation between Tom and his employers so the acting of the audio added immensely to the feeling of the book and set a nice pace.

Leadership and Self-Deception adds a level of understanding to workplace interactions which is deep yet clear and sensible.

Funny how coaching’s like that.