Recognising enough is enough
Posted by David C. Buchan in Self improvement on March 11th, 2010
Reading time: < 1 minute
Yesterday the song Somewhere from Robbie William’s Reality Killed the Video Star started playing on my iPod. I asked my wife if she’d bought it and forgotten to tell me. She hadn’t. It was me and I’d completely forgotten.
If that’s not a definition of “enough is enough”, then I don’t know what is.
You and I live in a world where it is amazingly easy to collect and we seem intent on holding onto everything. DVD or Blu-ray movies, music on our iPods, books via Kindle and even conversations via Twitter and Facebook. Are we so scared that we’ll lose it all?
You may be teaching and not know it
Posted by David C. Buchan in Coaching others on March 9th, 2010
Reading time: 1 – 2 minutes
On Saturday my family and I spoke via Skype video to our dear friends in the UK. They’re visiting next month and we thought it would be good for the children to all speak and see each other first as they have never met.
I was shepherding the conversation with phrases such as, “Ask about X”, “Tell them about Y” and so on. It was a little frustrating at the time that my girls weren’t saying much. At first I thought they were shy but now I’m not so sure. Rather, it was such a new situation for them they had to be taught how to converse. My prompts were as much about teaching them what could be said as they were to get them to speak on the day.
As a parent we have responsibilities in all areas of life. I’ve been aware of the need to introduce my girls to new social situations but it has ended there. I’ve never known the responsibility I then had to help them through it or noted when I’ve done so until Saturday. I hope to be more effective next time around and believe the lesson learnt here is broadly applicable in life. The fine distinction between telling and educating.
How do you know?
Posted by David C. Buchan in Personal knowledge management, Self improvement on March 3rd, 2010
Reading time: 1 – 2 minutes
My wife and I have just attended a prep grade information session which explained how reading, writing and maths are being taught to our youngest daughter. The teachers suggested we help by pointing out shapes in the home and asking what they are then follow up with, “How do you know?”. For a triangle we should be told 3 sides and 3 points and so on.
It struck me how useful it would be to have this question in the workplace. I see too many decisions and actions taken on the basis of what someone believes to be true very often without any substantial basis other than it’s what they believe.
People who speak in generalities but can’t provide or offer to provide real evidence need to have this question asked of them directly. It will be confronting, even if asked sincerely. Yet it should not be something you have to apologise for. Some people will have the guts to say, “You know what? I don’t really know”. Then you have a basis to move forward.
What are you thinking?
Posted by David C. Buchan in Self improvement on March 2nd, 2010
Reading time: 2 – 2 minutes
Ever since I was young I’ve been fascinated by the idea that people could learn from books or spend all their life as scholars studying. Now I find I’ve become the very same. My personal mission statement of ten years ago stated, “I am a scholar of life”. What was an inkling then has become a full time preoccupation.
There is an near constant stream of conversation running through my head as I converse with myself, and sometimes others in my mind, about how I can do better or how I can help others do better. Scenarios appear and are explored through conversation. What if I said this? Would they say that? How would they react? What do I need to do to achieve this? And so on. When I say, “near constant”, I’d estimate about 85% of my thoughts unless I’m focussed on a specific task.
I have grown to see the world in terms of conversational patterns and interactions. We are all connected. This way of thinking contrasts to my daughter who lives in terms of fashion and colour. At five she can tell you what someone was wearing yesterday even if it was a momentary glimpse as they walked through the room. I can’t comprehend that manner of thinking but I am in awe of it. It is a pointer that we all think differently.
I’m curious to know how you think via this post’s comments. Do you constantly converse with yourself to explore ideas or do you find you just react in the moment? Is your world coloured or musical? Are you thinking in terms of you, or others?
Where do you lay the blame?
Posted by David C. Buchan in Self improvement on February 24th, 2010
Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes
On Monday night my wife and I were attending parent-teacher interviews. We had two appointments booked and we were both on time for the 5.00 pm appointment which left us plenty of time for the second at 5.20 pm. It transpired that we missed the 5.20 pm appointment. Who was to blame?
- Was it the family who was late for their 4.45 pm appointment?
- Was it the teacher who let an early arrival meet before us when the first family was late?
- Was it the teacher who then let the late family start at out allotted time after the early arrival had met?
I ask the question again. Who was to blame for my wife and I missing our 5.20 pm appointment?
We were.
In the moment we used the others as reasons to miss it. We took an appointment with the first teacher 20 minutes late when we should have been done with that and in the second class. Instead of recognising a commitment for 5.00 pm had not been met and dealing with that fact, we exacerbated the problem by missing the next. As one promise was broken for us, we in turn broke another.
Everybody understands but is it really acceptable? Multiple people stressing and angering because nobody in the chain could keep a commitment and acted selfishly (under the guise of being fair).
The conversations could have been as follows (and I’m going to paraphrase rather than spell out in full):
- Between the first teacher and the family that was late. “Sorry. You’ve missed your appointment. We’ll have to reschedule or you’re welcome to wait in case a time opens up”. In this case we would have had both appointments on time.
- Between us and the teacher. “Sorry. You allowed another family to jump ahead of us. We’re off to keep our committed 5.20 pm appointment and will have to reschedule with you.”
- Between us and the second teacher. “The times with the first teacher have been stuffed around. Would it be possible for us to be 10 minutes late?” If so, we’re all ok and commitments are managed. If not, we attend at the previously agreed time.
- Then when we were late, between us and the second teacher. “Sorry. You’ve missed your appointment…”
Remember I did say that my wife and I were responsible for missing our second appointment. We chose not to attend it on time.
Often we can forget the impact of seemingly simple decisions. For whatever reason the first family were late, they impacted the lives of at least 10 other people as the situation cascaded. If they had rescheduled or the teacher had required it far few people would have been impacted. If we had left the first appointment and gone to the second on time it would have impacted us more so but saved the distress of others.
This is a common situation. One client arrives late so you go over time and are yourself late for your next client meeting (leaving everybody waiting unproductively) and so on throughout the day until you finally arrive home after the children have gone to bed.
Make your commitments carefully and stick to them. Holding yourself and others accountable builds trust around reliability.
How to conduct performance reviews simply
Posted by David C. Buchan in Coaching others, Community knowledge management, Self improvement on February 19th, 2010
Reading time: 2 – 3 minutes
Michael Carter and I were chatting this morning about conversations in the workplace and we came around to the topic of performance review as a series of conversations. This is how I prefer to conduct performance reviews.
For managers and supervisors
Pre-interview questionnaires? Bin them.
Competency models? Bin them too.
Forms to fill out during the interview? You guessed it. Right to the bin.
Complicated meeting arrangements? Just pick a time.
Now you have the space for the following questions.
- Where is the business/department/team now? As a manager or team leader this is where you describe where you think the company is going. It sets the context for the remaining questions.
- What are your priorities? Your employee now knows where you’re going and you can openly discuss where they want to go within that plan. Heaven forbid you might find there is a mis-match of priorities here but in all my experience I’ve always been able to find something that aligns the two.
- What do you think you’ve done well? Allow the employee to discuss what they’ve done well since the last review (which, by the way was no more than three months ago was it?). You will be able to confirm and add more observations.
- What would you like to improve upon? Gather ideas for further education and find out, then agree, on how you can support your charge.
- How can I be a better manager for you? Now listen. DO NOT ARGUE. Any remaining dissatisfaction will surface. Come to agreement on how you can be a better manager. It may require the employee changing their behaviour as well.
For employees
If you are an employee, the process is even easier.
- What am I doing that you want me to keep doing?
- What am I doing that you want me to stop doing?
- What am I not doing that you need me to do?
Timing?
Whenever needed. Nothing in a performance review should ever be a surprise to the employee. At Arthur Andersen I was guaranteed an appraisal of some sort every three months or sooner if I had completed a project within that time frame. I find three months is a good timeframe. It gives time for behaviours to change but not so much that you need days to cover it all and so end up covering nothing.
Today Matters
Posted by David C. Buchan in Inspiration and motivation, Self improvement on February 1st, 2010
Reading time: 2 – 4 minutes
Over the recent Christmas break my attention was taken by the simple and powerful idea that what we do today sets us up for the success of tomorrow. John C. Maxwell writes about the concept and his experience applying it to life in the book Today Matters.
My experience of self improvement books is that many give high level ideas which sound fantastic but are too far from day-to-day reality to put into place unless you can stop the world. Others are so highly specific as to be interesting but non-applicable. It’s as if you get the destination without transport, or transport and no destination. Thankfully Today Matters provides both in abundance — and with travel tips to boot.
Make twelve decisions. One each in an important area of life and then apply discipline on a daily basis to achieve goals consistent with your decision.
Possibly the most important learning for me was the difference between distinction and habit. I have beaten myself up too often over the failure to develop a habit. You know, that thing you must do each day to be successful. What I had failed to realise was that habit comes not from repetition, but from the repeated application of discipline. If I am disciplined enough to take action each day, the habit will follow.
I absolutely have Today Matters in my top five must read books and recommend you take the time to read and apply it to your life.
I’ve taken on three areas to start with. Two areas which I have assessed to be strong and one where I have assessed myself to be weak (all relative to one another). Maxwell’s suggestion is to work on an area for 60 days and no more than one weak area at a time. That’s great advice for my melancholy nature which would otherwise take on all twelve.
I’ve chosen Growth, Health and Finance. For personal reasons I will refrain from sharing the decision I made in each area. I hope you don’t mind. Yet, having made the each decision it was immediately apparent which disciplines I had to install into my daily life.
Under Growth I have recommitted to reading 15 minutes a day and freshly committed to reviewing my growth each day and counting the number of times during the day I help another improve themselves. With Health I have learnt more about the nature of a good diet and applied it (loss of 3.5kg in 3 weeks) plus exercise of 30 minutes most days. My weakest area was Finance and in that area I’ve learnt the ways in which I justify poor spending decisions, reviewed my insurances, taken steps to secure my retirement and helped my daughters begin to understand what money is (thanks to The First National Bank of Dad by David Owen).
Half way through my first sixty days I can confidently say I have made progress in all three areas which would not have happened if I had not read Today Matters or limited myself to only three areas of focus. Stay tuned.
The Next Trillion
Posted by David C. Buchan in Self improvement on January 7th, 2010
Reading time: 2 – 3 minutes
There are some interesting ideas in The Next Trillion by Paul Zane Pilzer. I read the Australia and New Zealand Tour Edition which is an abridged version. Let me declare that I own a business which sells products in the wellness industry but have no interest in sales of this book. Here I’m relaying Pilzer’s arguments and encourage you to read the book yourself and make up your own mind.
Quantity demand reflects the consumer’s demand for a larger supply of an existing product; quality demand reflects the appetite for a different or improved kind of product.
Pilzer, Paul Z (2001) “The Next Trillion: Australia and New Zealand Tour Edition”, Video Plus (USA), p.40
I saw my spending patterns reflected in the conversation about quantity and quality demand. I bought my first DVD because I recognised the quality was better than VHS. This is quality demand. Then, happy with the quality I wanted more of it and purchased many more DVDs. This is quantity demand. Then, with the introduction of Bluray as a higher quality format again I’m back on the quality demand cycle. Pilzer contends this will be the same with nutritional and other wellness products. People will want more and of a better quality. My own experience reflects this also.
The bulk of the abridged version details an almost conspiracy argument that the government and food producers are concerned only with profit and more sales. It is US based but I can see the same trends here in Australia and comes about from a chronic lack of understanding about what food we require and why. Mainstream food choices are not good, especially if eaten without understanding what is. As people learn they do change their behaviours. It is unfortunately very difficult to learn and that reason alone is sufficient to read this book to get you started.
Closing my open loops for 2009
Posted by David C. Buchan in Getting Things Done, Self improvement on January 5th, 2010
Reading time: 4 – 6 minutes
An open loop is something which is pulling on your attention. I have a few from 2009 relating to Quantum Gardener which I will close today lest they fester and end up consuming more and more of my time.
50 book challenge (2009)
In 2008 I successfully read 50 personal and self improvement books in a 12 month period and once complete immediately set myself the same task for 2009. Whatever the reasons, and I could create many, my progress this time around has been much slower. As of today I am at 16/50 which leaves 34 between now and April. In terms of open loops I had committed to myself to write up a short overview of each book for you the reader and I’ve managed just 8 of the 16. So, here are they are:
Getting Things Done by David Allen; At least my third reading of my productivity bible. Each time through I learn something new. See my Getting Things Done category of posts for more information.
The Way of the Bow by Paulo Coelho; The most succinct book on goal setting I have ever read. It uses the various aspects of archery as metaphors for goals. The title is available for free online.
“But never hold back from firing the arrow if all that paralyses you is fear of making a mistake. if you have made the right movements, open you hand and release the string. Even if the arrow fails to it the target, you will learn how to improve your aim next time.
Go for No! by Richard Fenton and Andrea Waltz; A second read in the period and perhaps more interesting the second time around (see my earlier review).
The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz; This is a classic reminder that our thinking is the ultimate limiting factor in the success of our life. This was my second reading and I was grateful to be able to identify those times I’ve thought big and achieved results. It also helped me identify all those times I didn’t think so big and pulled back for no real reason.
“We must be willing to make an intelligent compromise with perfection lest we wait forever before taking action.”
The Manual of the Warrior of the Light by Paulo Coelho; A series of short stories, often in parable form, exposing virtuous characteristics. I often take inspiration from these stories. For those familiar with The Warrior of the Light newsletter, much of the content here will be familiar. The title is available for free online at http://paulocoelhoblog.com/internet-books/
Today Matters by John C. Maxwell; This is the most important book that I read in 2009. So much so that it was read cover to cover twice in a matter of weeks. The basic concept is that what we do each day sets us for the success of tomorrow and we must put daily disciplines into place for that to occur. I’ll write more in a later post.
Practising gratefulness daily
A little while ago I wrote about the benefits of practising gratefulness daily. My well meant intention was to post what I was grateful for each day on Twitter and sadly I haven’t come close to doing that. I am often grateful but may not pick up the habit of a daily post until later this year.
Declaration of closure
And so I declare my 2009 open loops closed with regard to Quantum Gardener. There are still many ideas trying to get out of my head and into this blog. It takes time to organise them all and find space to write clearly. It may be as part of my 2010 self-improvement learning plan that I commit to a weekly blog entry at a minimum yet before doing so I do need to be sure it won’t be at the cost of something else.
My favourite authors
Posted by David C. Buchan in Productivity toolkit on December 7th, 2009
Reading time: < 1 minute
Tom Morris – Modern day philosopher. Every time I’ve been successful Tom’s 7 C’s of Success have all been in play.
John Maxwell – Leadership mentor. An amazing knack (though hard work no doubt) of distilling leadership lessons into understandable pieces.
Alan Sieler – Ontological coach. My coaching mentor and author of two excellent books on the method of Ontological Coaching.
These are the authors I keep coming back to. When I read their words it’s like a conversation with them over time.
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Charter for Compassion
